Our cultural model of relationship is monogamy which, according to Na Pai, “is a model of affective sexual relationship based on an ideal of sexual exclusivity between two people and for life”.
In this way, all of us are educated to be in a couple and find the “better half” that completes us. And in this search to not be “incomplete” is that we go through life until someone appears who would be the right onebecause we spend time listening to “the right one is going to appear” to complete the missing half.
All this building romantic love holds ideas on which the mythsThese are: “love can do everything”, “love forgives everything”, “for love you have to put up with it”, “if he loves you, he is jealous”, “for love he will change” and “you have to sacrifice for love ” .
Explosive love: would it be a relationship?
On the other hand, there is a neoliberal discourse who maintains that relationships monogamoussuch as polyamorous and open relationships, They are a junk that is sold at a fair and in this way they build the great pillar that supports the idea that the only way out is monogamy and enduring…in short, suffering for love.
There is another neoliberal form that is affective consumerism, something that is very much in the spotlight today, a style of affective predation, in which under the motto of individual freedom there is no empathy, no patience, no construction in common, because they are concepts that do not fit. accustomed to use it and throw it away without mediating an affective responsibility, a form of bonding is transited that does not require great effort and perhaps for this reason the possibility of modifying these conditions is not seen.
Between all this, what would it be? the most way healthy to link us?
We know that monogamy and the pillar of exclusiveness sexuality is very much in crisis, people no longer uphold the agreements that were sealed 50 years ago. It is unattractive to resign oneself to the adrenaline generated by the romantic encounter with the new, with that novelty that does erotic desire so much good, but that, at the same time, accounts for the ephemeral, because as long as the explosion of that adrenaline our brain is intoxicated, but when it goes down, it begins to feel what is no longer there.
And what is left? If you want something to stay
Endangered monogamy?
We can build ways of bonding in which there is a record of the other, of another or another who feels, to whom things happen, who has desires and who can accompany enjoyment and also a downturn.
Someone or some with whom it is nice to be, because at last we get together to go through life.
Get out of idealization and see the other person as they are. That you can feel freedom to be one or yourself, to express yourself, to be able to talk about desires and feelings. Someone with whom it is possible to get emotionally naked and there is a chance to show and also see inside.
For the bonding modalities, be those that are occasionally urgent give personal space, get out of fusion and possession and listen to one’s own times. Don’t take anything for granted, get out of the assumption and go to questionFinally, open the loving dialogue.
This is what it is about, building a mature love, in which intimacy, respect and desire can inhabit it.
Will it be possible? Maybe yes. Yes I want!
*Clinical and Educational Sexologist
IG: @licenciadaanaliapereyra
You may also like
