Human beings are social beings by nature. Our evolution was given thanks to teamwork and community life, so the human mind tries to protect itself and accept the requests of others as a survival instinct, accompanied by fear of rejection, grief or fear of being judged.
Setting clear limits is an important factor if we want to ensure our mental and emotional well-being.
To know limits, it is important to have well-learned and clear assertive communication tools, reinforce our self-awareness and personal leadership.
There are two types of limits:
1. The external ones
Those that are imposed by rules, by laws to live together, by the world.
2. The inmates
that we wear, from how we distribute the rooms of the house to how those listen to us and to where we let the other in.
how to set clear boundaries
1. Identify appropriate are your limits.
It’s like when you divide your house and place the bed in the bedroom, the armchair in the living room and you decide that you will put the oven in the kitchen and cook there.
2. Know your emotions
In order to set limits, it is important to know what makes you feel good and what doesn’t. Anger or sadness, even the hatred that a situation can generate in you. How do you feel? What thoughts do you have? and what would make you feel better?
3. Love yourself and accept yourself as you are
When you start to love yourself, you will hardly abuse any guy, that takes time, but it is a process that is worth doing.
4. Respect your own limits.
Are you one of the people who works despite being tired? That she accepts things even though she doesn’t want to? What is afraid to say no for fear of losing someone’s affection?
5. Respect other people’s boundaries
When you accept another person’s limit, you learn to accept yours and assert your own.
6. Setting limits takes time.
Be patient, it takes time to learn to know who we are, what we want, and to let go of the attachment of relationships that we have built over time.
7. Be clear:
Begins to express your opinion and feelings directly, for example:
– Do you want to come to dinner on Saturday?
– No, thanks, I would like to rest this weekend.
8. Take your time:
If you don’t know what to answer, you can say, for now I can’t answer you but give me a few days and I’ll get back to you.
9. Never lose empathy
You can use answers like: “I understand that you need help, but right now I can’t give you what you need”.
10. Don’t get into each other’s psycho game
If you tell people to say yes, or always give the discount, or give your time, they may want to make you feel guilty about no.
“I know he gave you free time, but right now I don’t have the time I had a few months ago and I have to dedicate myself to generating income, I would gladly help you.”
11. Offer a Plan B
When you say no to something, you can say yes in another way, for example:
I can’t do that job for you but I can provide you with options of people who could help you in this process. And so you will be saying NO with a YES.
Listen to Paula Cabalén’s column on Radio Perfil FM 101.9.
by Paula Cabalen
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