The infidelity It does not manifest itself only on the level of affective sex; it has several edges. Are couples completely honest about their shared finances?
Financial infidelity is the breaking economic agreements of a couple. It can manifest itself in significant purchases that are hidden, in the secret possession of bank accounts or credit cards, in high-risk investments of money shared without consent, or in financial behaviors that are disapproved of and carried out in secret (eg gambling).
Some of these infidelities can be more subtle. For example, not communicating a salary increase, disguising a new purchase and passing it off as an old one, hide the tickets and receipts, saying something was bought on sale when full price was paid, etc.
There are multiple reasons that can lead a person to be a financial infidel, someone can have dysfunctional financial behaviors due to the characteristics of their personal history: they may have suffered deprivations in their childhood; you need to calm feelings of abandonment; seeks fill some void in their life; or feel low self-esteem.
Therefore, unilateral financial decisions function as a compensation mechanism to cover up your own insecurities.
financial infidelity
Another reason for this situation may be that you do not trust your partner’s spending and consumption habits, and you are looking for ways to protect your own money. Also, you may feel uncertain about the future of the relationship and prepare an emergency fund in case you break up. Maybe you really have a sexual adventures outside of your stable relationship and you need to hide the expenses you make with your lover.
Does monogamy today have an expiration date?
Financial infidelity is common in some money disorders. For example, the compulsive shopping or spending are characterized by the loss of control over purchases, the accumulation of debts and the presence of distressing intensely Those who suffer from this disorder hide and lie about the expenses they make as a way of avoiding conflicts with their partner. In order not to be discovered, they often hide the products they buy, to the point that they never use them.
Unless the behavior is very serious, couples do not usually perceive it as a current or future problem. However, lies and secret spending cause negative emotional reactions. When it’s not resolved soon, generates anger, disappointment and loss of confidence. If these feelings remain silent and/or accumulate, they gradually weaken the relationship.
Couples don’t usually perceive it as a problem, but financial infidelity weakens the relationship
Financial infidelity is not considered as dramatic as affective sexual infidelity. As they are not categorical problems to unleash a crisis, they accumulate and slowly eat away at the pillars that sustain a loving relationship.
Therefore, if this issue is minimized, it can become a silent enemy of the couple’s future. In addition, it is projected in an environment other than money, it can be seen as the symptom of a larger crisis, an existing conflict sometimes unrecognized, which surely has little to do with money.
If someone is lying about sharing money, it’s okay to ask what other hidden things or you can hide. Dishonesty and the absence of clear communication are decisive factors in crises and breakups.
A silent enemy to be faced
The financial infidelity It can be difficult to confess, especially if it is very severe or repetitive.
Shame, guilt, and fear of rejection or disappointment are major obstacles to addressing this issue. Many times the act itself can be small or inconsequential, but what complicates it is admitting the deceit or lie.
On the other hand, if there is a suspicion of the couple, it is best to find a suitable moment to raise the situation. It is convenient to speak directly, but without criticizing or judging. You both need to realize the time to process the moment without hurting or blaming the other party. The objective is to face the problem in a constructive and empathetic way, they can always resort to receiving help and accompaniment from a professional.
A key ingredient in building a healthy relationship is Proper and honest management of common money. Positive communication and respect for agreements on how to manage shared finances brings positive benefits for the couple: it strengthens trust, strengthens intimacy and companionship, offers better opportunities to share pleasant moments, and increases emotional connection.
* Clinical Psychologist MP1366 (Chubut)
@rodrigojaldo
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